If you think it's stupid, I don't care. Ha- I feel I need to share some things and get things off of my chest, but I want anyone and everyone to understand the things that go through my head... Let me explain.
I'm Colton. I've lived a pretty Crazy Life. I've lived a life of what I would say is completely contrary to God and his Laws and Commandments, a life of partying, sex drugs and rock and roll. (Literally..) Lived it up as some might say, yet really just wasted away.
My senior year of highschool, I was extremely anti mormon, Athiest, and really just careless with life. The week before Christmas (Dec 17, 2006) My older Brother Dustin Passed away from a Drug problem. I fell harder and got muddier than ever before. Met an amazing person, had amazing parents and friends that loved me and took care of me and helped me back to the right ways of life. I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints aka The Mormons. There is a lot of misunderstanding of these people. If you have questions, talk to me about it, because I've been on both sides of the fence, I've looked in at it, and I've looked out From it. I understand both and have been curious from both. All I can say to sum all of that up is that There TRULY is a God. Yep. He exists. He's OUR heavenly Father, and Loves you and I. Pretty amazing Right? The most perfect Dad or Father figure you could picture, really is there. He cares. And He's established a Church and organization on the earth. Why? So that we would know PERFECTLY, what we can do in this life to be most happy, and know PERFECTLY the way to return to live with him and our Savior Jesus Christ, along with our AMAZING Families we do have now, and the generations of families to come. Amazing. IT's all true. Ask me about it. Email me, google me, find me, call me, whatever. I'd love to talk about it.
Anyway. I've been home from my LDS mission to Virginia for Nearly 2 years now. It's been crazy! A lot of Ups and Downs.. but the number one thing that effects me in this life is Relationships. The soul purpose I started these "Sobering Thoughts" and my blogspot. Yeahhhh Kinda Girlyish. Colton (me, I) is a HUGE love fanatic, I love it, I'm a fan of Chickflix, love songs, R&B, and believe that Love is real and does and will exist. I don't care. haha This is how it is! Soooo Without further adieu ...
Dating and Relationships:
I am a sucker for Love. Yeahhhhp I sure am. Big fan of everything that has to do with it, except the break ups. Break Ups SUCK! Man.. They really suck... There is NEVER a good break up I feel. You could have hung with the person for a week, a month or a year and it still SUCKS! The Greatest thing about a relationship coming to an end, or a BREAK UP, is the fact that you LEARN so much. Tons. There is no way you can come out of a relationship and not learn something. Wellllllll As of recent, I've learned a lot and I want to share about it... Ha- Here's the thing about relationships and DATING.
Dating is the most skewed of all things, besides the word "Church" in and of itself. (another story in and of itself, digression overload) Dating has become so weird. It honestly is hard. It's hard to deal with. It's hard to make work and it's hard to let it go. Everything about Dating isn't easy. It brings INSTANT change. Most people don't like change. Friends become upset because your time is then invested in someone else (threatened friendships). Family is upset because your investment and focus is on someone other than them as well. Your school, hobbies and Job may suffer because your focus is on someone else. Maybe the way you would like to do things, isn't always your way and suddenly the Burger King "Have it Your Way" isn't always your way. Suddenly the buffet counter for Chuckarama isn't in your hands and "the choice isn't yours", but now it's mutual. It's something both of you have to figure out and work out. Relationship brings vulnerability. Wow. That sucks right? You are now apt to feel certain things you weren't before a relationship; LOVE, HURT, HEART ACHE, CARE, COMPASSION, SADNESS. All extreme emotions. It's not complete relaxation, wow wouldn't that be nice? You get into a relationship and it just GO's.. It just works. Everything is smooth and complete... Yeah. Hasn't been close for me as of yet. Things are Hard when you are in a relationship. Relationships and dating are one in the same. You date to learn and get into a relationship. Not every relationship will work out. You've met people through your entire life, not all of them became your best friend instantaneously, in fact most you chose not to hang with after the meeting. Some you were pumped! Same with the relationship between male and female right? You meet a bunch! A lot are attractive, a lot come off way cool, the opposite also true. THEN you find one you are SUPER HYPED ON! you can't get enough since before the first Hello! They don't have enough breathe for you to share you are sooooo stoked on them. Loss of air is a usual for you around this person. Partially because you DON'T want to Screw it up! You already feel it's too good to be true, so you walk on egg shells to prove you are better than that and that you can do it. You are almost not yourself in a way. Truth? Truth. The problem is a lot of people put on a front. Yep. Colton admits that even HE isn't himself all the time. I have a problem with Talking softer... Yeahhh I soften my voice almost as a teaching voice in a way. It's my "This is sincere" voice. Bad thing? Maybe not, but I feel it leads on to other things...
Here's what I'm going to say... I wanted to write a ton about RELATIONSHIPS in and of itself but I think it'd be better to go the route of EXPERIENCE isn't everything, It's the Only thing. So Here's my experience.
Based on my experience, I fall far too quick for the other team. Before I look clearly at what I'm getting myself into, I'm already COMMITTED to the future. No matter what. "Brother, I'm Committed" was a great talk given by the presidency of the church in 2011 for the presidency message of the month. It was amazing. Told a story of two boys on a cliff near water that they would visit every year and continue to chicken out. The year that they decided THEY WOULD DO IT, they counted to three and were about to jump when one of them decided "NO WAY!" the other brother turned and looked at him, already a step ahead and said "Brother, I'm Committed". Well, I've been committed this way since I've returned from my mission. For anyone that has investigated the church or joined the LDS church, or has served a mission understands the theory of Daily Contact with investigators, or helping others understand the truth about something. My fault is, I'm so hyped on a certain person, that I put every bit of me into the relationship regardless of where the other is in it or not. I'm so happy about the situation that I really am careless of any faults matching to mine or not. I LOVE RELATIONSHIPS. Wow, Sketchy to share with the world? No. Why? Because if it hasn't worked between you and I, or you and I haven't worked out- It's ok- You and I weren't meant for each other. Honestly I'm not all you want me to be, and based on results I'm not looking for what you bring to the table. Brutal? Maybe, but Honest. And I'm honest.
People make GIANT lists of what people want the other to be like.
Here is one I have heard many times on the girls side...
A Gentlemen, a priesthood holder, handsome, loves to have fun, loves to kiss in the rain, isn't afraid to be open, isn't afraid to be himself, is ok with doing what I want to do once in a while, watches chick flicks with me (yada yada yada) FAIRY TALE! MOVIE SCENE! When it works it just works... First two should be there off the bat, yes- the rest, a byproduct. Here's a thought, MAKE your lists! Go ahead! When you find the one you want to be with, the basics are there (morals) and nothing else really matters. Why? Because in the end you just want someone you want to battle with. Not battle against each other, but a Team Mate. Your literal Warrior for the eternities to come. You can't help but be beyond stoked about someone you know you are going to war with! Ever been in a Team Sport Championship match of some sort? You'd die for the people you are with! It's much deeper than talking about it, you TRULY Feel it. You don't sweat the small stuff. Why? It's all small stuff! There's a battle to be won yes, but there is a WAR overall that needs to be high in sight. Small things..? It doesn't matter, it never did. When You care enough about someone, you'll do anything and everything to show them that. YOU'LL SHOW THEM THAT! You will Show them that you Love and Care for them. How? Number one way....
COMMUNICATION- what a novel idea that 2 people would actually communicate how they feel, what their thoughts are of another person. What a way to spend a relationship! OPEN COMMUNICATION! Freely flowing between both ends. Or better yet they say "hey that hurt my feelings" or "Hey that made me feel like..." whatever the circumstance is... Let me share my experience of this...
Recently while in a relationship- We had a certain talk at night in my car. (again this is my experience, You'd have to see the other side to get the full feel, but I don't know exactly how they felt due to lack of communication) I felt I was very loving and compassionate, and had soooooo much love for this person I couldn't believe it! Hadn't felt like this in a long time. I was expressing my feelings and sharing why I cared so much about them. I wanted to be singled out just me and her and felt that there was no reason to wait to do so! Commitment would only bring better communication, better relationship, more ownership on both sides, and really help each other to just RELAX. So I asked, and I bore my heart and soul ONLY to be shut down, told that I was selfish for not understanding where this person was in their life and HOW DARE I want to have them be part of mine when their heart be broken at the time. Totally True. I selfishly wanted to be with them and around them because something in them made me feel different than I'd ever felt. Crazy thing was- they were saying the same things I was! In fact, starting the saying of things That much more extreme! We all know the Big L word is extreme in relationships. Who ever says it first owns it. Well I wasn't first, but I tried to show it first. I was as I always am OVER-COMMITTED to something they then weren't. Like a two year relationship I had in the passed, it started the same way. "I'm not ready right now for that" in other words, "I'm not ready to communicate as well, be there for you like I say I really want to and am, and truly I just don't feel that my words and my actions are ready to meet." Well, of course I opened my big mouth and gave some feedback, not in a hurtful way, but in a way of CARE and compassion that I saw fit that she'd be HAPPIER by doing so. Well, that back fired.. I was then judgmental and crude, a jerk like every other guy. I just wanted to change her she said, just because She wasn't good enough. (all completely false.) I cared. I do care. I still care. That night I was told things and called things and assumed by this person that I was something that I wasn't. Those words were peircing. The saying of sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt me, is a false statement in the statement in and of itself. The saying is true, and it's a positive affirmation. But when you care about someone, they hurt. Words do hurt. Think about how that might hurt someone by saying it... They crush. It hurt. I truly was broken. It crushed my heart. I realized then that if I were to continue on with a relationship like that, I wouldn't be fully happy and neither would they. Within a couple weeks this was already happening? RED FLAG! why? Because WE as a couple already couldn't communicate. If you can't talk things out, KINDLY and Charitably right off the bat, apparently one or both of the people in the relationship has some growing up to do in the love category. does that mean they don't know how to love? no, I'm sure they do. They just need to understand that You can NEVER ever talk to the people you love with such disrespect and anger. ANGER is never the first emotion anyway, its usually sadness hurt or sorrow. Anger is a substitute. Yeah I can deal with people that are angry, but if they aren't willing to talk it out, there is NOOOO way out... There is no way to change, why? Because they aren't in the right mindset. They are set in their ways, as is someone not open to the gospel off the spot. Buuuut, I'm a guy. It's a Challenge! Who in their right mind doesn't like a challenge?! You kidding me? Anytime I've been told no, it makes me want it that much more! Thats why girls LOVE games. Yes guys dip into the game as well, but MAN O MAN do girlies love the freakin game! Ha TRUTH! Girls Know. They understand. But when a relationship is formed and going, Games are worthless and they just hurt the other person.
Want to know my problem? I know that I'm not perfect. I understand I'm not the perfect male either. I understand that I won't be the perfect husband that is portrayed in fairy tales. Good news is, besides Jesus himself, those people don't exist. My problem is, I fall hard, and when I'm stopped- I put my guns up and take a look at whats there. Why am I not good enough? Why when I want to figure things out they don't want too? What is it about me that feeds that? Well, I didn't give up after I was shut down. That night it ENDED on a terrible note. (You ever heard the advice given to newly weds, "don't go to sleep upset"?) yeahhh.. It happened, and in the morning- it got brushed under the rug with tattered "sorry's" and plenty of fillers to make us feel like everything was Kix and berries. It wasn't. That was a wedge that remained for me. It happened a few more times where the other person would SHUT DOWN. Completely. something of the nature of "I can't do this" and then attempt to leave, hang up, or end the conversation. What that says to me is, "You aren't worth the time to try and work this out. You aren't worth the effort to understand where you are coming from. This isn't important enough to me to make it a working thing. I'd rather NOT deal with the problem at hand and pretend it never happened, regardless of how you feel." Wow.. That hurts. It did hurt. As loving as they were, they weren't aware of me. As I was appreciated in the moment that I did things for them, or said things for them- it wasn't carried out. And if something happened or if they didn't text call or get back to me, it was somehow my fault. As a quarterback in football, the pitcher in baseball, Team Lead or captain in multiple other sports I've learned- as the leader You get to take all the responsibility. I love to do it, and I do it. With hopes that SOMEONE will say, "Colt you know what, I screwed up too, I did this.. or that.. or said this... and should have said that..." but it didn't come and hasn't come. Simple sorry's only to say sorry. I have been nothing but kindness and love.
Let me tell a quick offshoot. Funny story, yet not so funny. This is not an excuse, but just a tack on to show my side of things and where I was for all of this. This passed weekend in a wakeboard competition I came went off the kicker really weird, spun and landed flat on my face. My face instantly swelled and I couldn't see out of my eye or really see straight at all. It sucked. I had a head ache pretty bad for the next few days, along with crappy focus and just not really being "in it" completely. Come to find out at the doctors/ specialist a few days later, I fractured my face and damaged my left temporal lobe of my brain so there was apparently some pain that would come with it and some odd feelings with memory, understanding, and focus. (literally had some brain damage.. Handi-Colton over here.. ha) on top of that, my adrenal glands were failing out and had many symptoms of Mono. Frick right?! Well desiring to share those things with the person you care about all day, the person doesn't get back to you until the night time and then is surprised that you spring all this on them. The wording... "Wow, that's a lot to take in." with the sound of the voice as to be (you are a head case colton.) It freakin KILLED MY SPIRIT! And yet again I felt a failure to understand where I was. That led to "Well I'm a bit of a worry, I'm stress for you, and you know what- Your careless lifestyle is distracting me so maybe right now isn't the time". I readily agreed understanding and feeling the same way, along with all the heart ache I already felt. Why? (i say the why quite a lot don't I? yep I sure do... it's a challenge that you know is going to be answered anyway, in case you didn't recognize that I thought I'd analyze myself for you. ;) Great, glad I could clear that up. haha) back to the WHY.... Because I'd felt unappreciated. Unheard many times. Misunderstood multiple times. Been called certain names like "selfish" or "Player" or "careless" and many other things that hurt and weren't true. I had been nothing but love. I had done nothing but try. It just wasn't working. It wasn't. Does that mean I don't love that person? No. I do. Freak they hold so many things that I NEED for my future family. She holds so many qualities I would love to have in my future and with my future. The problem is, it just wasn't working. That's ok though. That's what I feel most people don't understand. Sometimes everything looks a certain way, and it turns another. Regardless of whose fault it is, it really doesn't matter. It's both of your fault and at the same time, no ones fault. It just wasn't meant to be because you didn't make it that way. The last few days (since my accident) I've been completely aloof. Unaware of anything but what feels good and what doesn't. It wasn't feeling good with what was going on, and I couldn't do it anymore. It wsn't working for me. Selfish? maybe, but I'm a realist. I can't pretend to live in a fantasy world where the fantasy isn't always what it seems. The relationship was bipolar and unhealthy. The people in it, may not have been bipolar, but the communication was. Extreme Love!!!! Then Unsure and lack of trust.... Extreme EXCITEMENT!!!! To anxiety... It wasn't any one persons fault. It was Mutual. It happens in relationships. It happens in life.
What I'm trying to say is, IT's OK if it doesn't work out. What you had and said to each other was real. Maybe sometimes too outplayed, but the love, the spirit and the emotions experienced were real! Just because the circumstance changed doesn't mean the people did. You both just weren't getting to where you wanted to be, the way that both would like it to be. It's ok though, you don't have to hate the other person. You should love them more because you are about to end the relationship. Love can heal the broken heart though! Be grateful you got to be part of their life. Why would you end it on hate? To give you an excuse to move on? The only real reason you have is simply "It just didn't work out". To say, They Changed, they weren't anything they said, IS FALSE. They were, You two just didn't work the best together. It's Ok. Move On. Chin up is one way to look at it, but you can still stay seated down and look up at everything and everyone else and figure "Man My life sucks because I DON'T Have that.." Forget that.. That's not you, it's the adversary sneaking in... Just remember, Your life is great, You are grateful for what they have helped you with. Because of my last love there, I'm more dedicated! They made me want to be better on all fronts! Be more humble, more submissive, help myself to be that way for someone and everyone. Thanks to Her, I've been kicked to be better. I hope I've helped in someway. And I had some INCREDIBLE spiritual experiences with this person. So I know I played a part... Even if it were just as an instrument for the spirit. I didn't do much I'm sure.. But I gave my heart to her. I gave my spirit, and I didn't play any games. Girls can say what they want about me, in fact so can guys. Fact of the matter is, I'm here to find my mate! Ha YES MA'M and YESSIRRR. I'm not here to play games. If its real, its freakin real! If its not, Peace and Love.
Relationship From websters... a connection, association, or involvement.
connection between persons by blood or marriage.
an emotional or other connection between people
If you and a person don't work out, again- it's ok. It's part of Dating. It's part of being in relationships. You feel a connection, emotionally, physically, spiritually. When it isn't working, it's ok it's just not working. When you find the one you need to marry, nothing will matter. and For me, when I find that one, there will be no PROVING, no SHOWING, no distrust, no hurtful things said, every conversation will be calm and collected, regardless of how upset you are. When you choose to not, you choose to have bad communication. I really know that relationships take work, yes. ALWAYS will. But it shouldn't be hell. It shouldn't bring angry feelings one to another. Sure, disappointment will come... But if you can talk it out calmly through and through and not question ones integrity, who they are as a person, and really if they are committed to life or not- You'll be just fine. Until you find that person, and until I find that person, I'm still looking. Not PLAYING. Looking. Dating. That's what Dating Is, -To date, or to go on dates, spend time with or invest your time with another person. Don't complicate it. If its good and its bringing forth good things, it's good. If there are too many flags around, just move on. It's ok. I'm not everyones first choice in life. In fact, for a lot I'm still not even their LAST choice! That's ok! Find the person you are fine with, make it work, and make some babies! (Of course after you are sealed for time and all eternity..) Life isn't rocket science, don't make it that way... Live simple, Love simple and Be simple.
On the Real, I need a Warrior.
Communication, Morals (Really the spiritual aspect), Depth and Desire to make the other happier than yourself. Selflessness. That's all that Matters to me in my warrior.
All in All, dating isn't Rocket Science. Relationships shouldn't be confusing. Love should always be your motive, and your decisions to act the way you do will always have consequences. You get to choose where to go, what you do, or what you say, you don't get to choose the consequence. If love be the motive, Love be the pilot. If love be the pilot, I think it's safe to say God will safely guide you there. God is Love. Cliche? Nope, SCRIPTURE! ha- God Cares about who you are, who you become and what you do with your life. You can change the world. All you have to do is look at yourself, take accountability and responsibility for your life and change it. Others will follow suit. Always have, and always will.
Change the World. Change Yourself.
Imagine Dragons- It's Time by MMMusic
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