Well.
Failure
Isn't always the funnest thing around. Lucky for me I have failed a lot in my life. I'm grateful for the challenges and the falls I've had. I guess thats now why I understand why I'm the way I am. I try something, do something, attempt SOMETHING and fall, fail, bounce, or stumble. Yeapppp... Not the greatest outcome right? Yet it's usually after some great things have happened! It's Usually when I myself decide to get caught up in a train called
PRIDE
Awkward right?... Let me explain... I've been soaked in this idea that I just need to be AN ATHLETE. Why? Because It makes me LOOK COOL....
ALL ABOUT THE IMAGE
What did I all the sudden become a provo Allstar- that I'm so focused on my PERSONAL image that nothing else matters? What the Crap Colt!... For real though... I think I've become so worried about myself that I pretended that I was something more than I was, so that I could just do whatever I WANTED. Yeahhhh. Selfish.me.com/colton Thats the website I was starring in... (Joke..Joke..) <---- but should have been. It's been a while since I've worked a regular job consistently... I worked for about 2 months last year and then it had been since winter of 2011... Sooo yeahhhh. Proud that I have been a BUM pretty much. Barely making it by as an "ATHLETE" ... Up to the Nitro Circus Live opportunities. In all Honesty, I was called on as a back up. Not even as a main guy for the tour, then after a little was given, I asked to at least do the Salt Lake show, so that I could be... An Athlete. I got the GO AHEAD to do the show, showed up and right before practice told me "ya know, we have a lot of guys here today and we don't want to complicate things too much so today we are just gonna have you practice, and unless you do something unreal, it'll probably stay at practice..." Well... I felt like an idiot. Not only did I have the impression that I would be in the show, and was told so, I had told lots of other folks the same... ha Sooo again, my image was on the line! So in practice, I went all out... Way too much. Ended up over rotating a double backflip on my roller snowboard, about did a triple, Landed right on my head and taco'd hard. Got a concussion, and soon I'll find out how bad my shoulder separation is, along with any possible ribs broken or what ever. I don't remember the show, and I've had some gnarly head aches since. I used to have a good head on my shoulders. A bit more humbled in life, a servant. A "How Can I Help?" attitude. Thennnnn, I had some success as an athlete again and traded up. Get Cash for playing was the goal. Yeahhh kinda did it for a couple years, Crap cash for getting wrecked too... haha. Kinda funny. What wasn't funny is how I lost myself...
When I was on my mission
I realized that I didn't need to be some "Cool" Athlete kid. I didn't need to do that stuff anymore, or any type of fame or to be somewhat idolized.. At all! I committed that from then on, Any quote "TALENT" that I may have, would be used for a missionary opportunity from then on only. Not for my benefit. Unfortunately, I think I was so caught up in TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE for such a time I lost it all. Annnd, I lost being an athlete really. I was progressing a lot for a bit there! Started doing ok with wakeboarding (not like I was some pro or anything) but just getting it for once, moto was coming back, I was hitting stuff on snow I never had, and then all the nitro stuff all up in it hanging with some of my best friends, made me want to just be a part of the whole gig. It was like a secret obsession. I think I lost touch with some of my best friends. Traded up important relationships and faded away a little. That's why I'm grateful to fail this last weekend. What a blessing in Disguise. Just the thing to help me get into gear. Glad I could be handed a genuine piece of
Humble Pie!
For all of you that I've "Big Timed" or tried to out cool, or look cool in front of, NAME DROPPED, or pretended to you in anyway, I apologize. To anyone that I've faded our relationship due to my desire to make MY NAME something, I apologize. To anyone who I've offended, took for a ride, or been disrespectful too- I apologize. I hate failure... it always ends the exact opposite of what you wanted right?! Wrong...
God Is The Gardener
The story of the CURRANT BUSH is one I was reminded of by my best friend Tyler Cahoon. I was whining to him of how I failed, all because of a Concussion I was just gonna give it all up and didn't make sense to me that God would let me get this when I was trying to push myself to being my best and doing what I felt I was here to do right now, which I could help a lot more people! Tyler, was playing football at the UofU and got a football career ending concussion just over a year ago as well.. As he shared with me the thought of the talk "God is The Gardener" I decided to listen to it again this morning. It talks about a man named Hugh B Brown who when he was younger was working on a farm, and came across a Currant Bush that was tall and barren, he decided the only way to save it was to cut and prune it so that it could later bring forth fruit again someday. He left it tiny and down to nubs. He recalled hearing the Currant Bush talk to him saying "I was Big and Beautiful, But you Cut Me Down..." - Following he spoke back to it saying- "Hey, I'm the Gardener here, I know what I want you to be. If I had let you grow the way you wanted you would have continued to be big and goofy. Someday You'll thank me Saying, Thank you Mr. Gardener, for Cutting me down." Well, as the story of the currant bush may not be completely alike my story, I want to say
Thank You Mr Gardener, For Cutting Me Down.
I had a good experience that last while, and thoroughly enjoyed being "an Athlete" - but I'm grateful for the sobering experience to get me back grounded on solid ground and realize where I need/ want to be. When I came off the plane and gave my homecoming talk from my mission to Virginia, I said I would NEVER go back, I would remember always my purpose here, and always be more focused on others. I'm ready to get back. The good news, I'm definitely not perfect. I almost ruined something I have going with someone that has created something perfect. So grateful for a special lady named Taylor in my life. She's helped me recognize my best self and helped me want to be better. Most relationships fail because someones pride outweighs the desire to serve and be selfless for the other. Sacrifice is what makes the world go round. Publicly to anyone who may read this, I'm sorry for not being there for you. For the Girl who told me Last night "I don't care if you're someone big, with Fame and Fortune.. that's no who I am into, or Love. Please be your real self, I miss that part of you." ... What a difference that has made as of yet.
This is Only The Start
And I understand that, but I'm committed right now. I don't need peoples approval or opinions to have self worth. I don't need the masses to know who I am. I don't need to Have "A NAME" or recognition at all. Those that I know and Love are those that deserve the recognition... I'm a hoarder of information- and all that I've taken and kept is from those closest to me. So grateful for them in my life. This isn't me saying that I can't achieve greatness and that I'm giving up on life by the way... I fully believe in achieving our dreams, ESPECIALLY My own. I did in a way. And it didn't make me happy. And more than a dream or a goal, being happy is much more important.
To End This Right
I hope you recognize that YOU don't need others approval. You can't get caught up "in your image" - after all we weren't created to get all the credit in the first place... As cliche as it sounds, we are here for "HIM" and to glorify "HIS" name. Don't give up on your dreams, I'm asking you to evaluate where you are at, how you are getting there, and what is most important along the way.
The Butterfly Story
Talks about a butterfly when emerging from it's caccoon- a man was watching for hours until he thought the Butterfly gave up- so the man trying to be kind, helped him, by cutting an easier route to escape. He came out with a withered body and shriveled wings, never to be able to fly. Sometimes the challenges we face, are GOD's Way of helping us, like the butterfly- in his struggle was to force fluid into the body and wings so it could fly as soon as it had emerged, When we take the "Short Cut" we literally cut ourselves short. Sometimes you ask for help, and get people to help... You ask for strength in life, and get burdens to carry. You ask for love, and get people that need love... All in all, you get nothing you Want, But EVERYTHING YOU NEED. The same happened for me, ONCE AGAIN in my life. I'm glad I was yet again put in my place, glad I yet again could be humbled. If You read all of this, you're a champ, ha I love you.
